I Learned That…

Two days from now I’ll be 22, and I feel so old. Lately, I’m having hard time carrying too many loads unlike before when I’m a lot younger and stronger. Lately, I’ve been experiencing back pains, and headaches. Sometimes, it feels like my bones are crumbling, and some parts are colliding, and just might break soon.

Scientifically speaking, 22 is actually still young, it’s still near teenage years, more likely the boundary of youth and adulthood.

Music change me a lot.

Entering the line of 2’s is actually my favourite part of my life. It was year 2011 when I became 20. It’s when I learned and experienced so many things. Things that revealed my weaknesses and things that enhanced my strengths.

It’s when I learned how it feels to be valued by someone – what love feels like. I see the beauty of the world, things are clearer than they’ve ever been before. It’s when I learned how to cry without being ashamed of it; it’s when I learned how to shed tears.

It’s when I learned the feeling of being accepted and rejected, the feeling of being loved and left, feeling of being happy and depress. I learned to move to the rhythm of old love songs, learned how to stop when the music is not for me. I learned how to capture moments and let them go when they wanted to leave.

A person that is very dear to my heart.

It’s when I learned about the beauty of living, and the feeling of a dying man. It’s when I saw both peace and hopelessness, both joy and bitterness. I make myself eat like there’s no tomorrow, and let myself starve for days like I don’t desire for tomorrow anymore. I learned that life is not just about taking but also about giving. I learned that sleeping requires dreaming, and dreaming requires waking up.

It’s when I learned the value of friendship, the importance of family. I learned the essence of studying, and listening to your professors. I learned the reason why I should wait, and why I should go, or why I should stop. I learned that my life is worthless without happiness, but even more worthless without pains. I learned how to write and crumpled paper, to speak and to listen. I learned why I couldn’t just have everything.

After a tiring day.

It’s when I learned how it feels to win, and to be defeated, to be found, and to be lost, to be you and to be like others. It’s when I learned to trust, and be betrayed, to believe, and be disappointed, to understand and be misunderstood. I learned that life’s like riding in a Ferris wheel, it goes up, and it goes down. I learned how to be responsible, and to be reckless, how to stand and fall, how to manage and be managed. I learned how to take things for granted, and be taken for granted.

College friends. I miss them already.

It’s when I learned that friends wouldn’t always stay on your side, sometimes they will go in front of you, sometimes they’ll stay at your back, but sometimes leave you. I learned that beauty should not be only available by looking at it, but also by being with it. I learned that growing old is not about aging, but about learning. I learned that papers are nothing without pens, and pens are little less important without papers.

Writing has always been my hobby.

I learned that my life shouldn’t revolve around the sun alone, neither does the sun should revolve around me. I learned to be selfless, and to be possessive. I learned to accept things the way they are, and demand for more. I learned that I have unending problems, but I always have unending solutions to all of it. I learned that smiling shows more of me, but crying defines more of me. I learned how to dance in the rain, and to pray for sun to come out.

Enough reason for me to worship God.

It’s when I learned that my life is not perfect, but I should be contented about it. I learned that life is not just about being happy or sad, but also about being in the middle. I learned that everyday should pass, and everything inside every day has to happen. I learned that having this life is enough for me to thank God.

These are many reasons why I feel so old. Happy birthday to me!

Obviously, I own every photo in this article. I claim all the rights in this article.

The Dangers of Being So In Love

When you truly love a person, letting go would be “usually” the last thing that you would ever do. As long as you could fight for that person, as long as you could survive every pain that comes along with loving so much, you will do it. You’ll fight for love.

This article was inspired by my friend’s love story way back then.

It’s been almost a year since my girlfriend (or should I say, ex-girlfriend) broke up with me, and I’m still lost. I really am still lost, confused, and part of me still want some things to be back the way it used to be. I

I know deep down that I do love that person. Love so much that I will do anything to make her happy, I will save money just to bring her to a wonderful place, to give her nice gifts, to let her eat great tasting foods. I will wake up early in the morning to bring her breakfast, help her clean their house, or carry her bag to school.

I have done so many things to her, and I know I have made her happy. But it was too late when I realized that love is more than just efforts and physical attractions, its more than just spending money, or waking up early in the morning, its more than just material things, and spoken words.

I lost her when I found myself falling even more in love with her. Ironic isn’t it? That’s when I learned about the dangers of being so in love:

1. You get easily jealous. When I see her with other guys, or even with other girls, I get jealous. We end up fussing about things that doesn’t really matter. I tend to bring back past issues, and make it more complicated.

2. You became possessive. I believe there’s nothing wrong with being possessive. Sometime having a girlfriend/ boyfriend is like owning something, he/ she becomes your possession, but too much of it make things even harder.

3. You forget about yourself. Sometimes loving so much could make you forget about yourself, you tend to give everything you have, without leaving something for yourself.

4. You lose the value of your relationship. Being in a relationship requires fair love. It has to be give and take. Though in reality, the other one would always be a greater lover than the other, yet it doesn’t matter, as long as you love each other, and let other give and take, everything will be just fine.

Letting go is one of the hardest task assigned to us.

Its hard to imagine that after being so in love for more than a year, you’ll end up hurting each other, and worst is you both gave up. You forget all the promises you have made when you’re just starting up. You lose everything, even friendship.

I know I should’ve been more patient, more understanding, more respectful, and more fair, but maybe things are just meant to happen, things have to be the way it is. Maybe love has to slip away, maybe love has to change, has to disappear, maybe love has to leave, so another one will enter. But no matter how hard it is, or how many pains love has to offer, or how unpredictable love is, I am just so glad that I once met her, and once in my life someone loved me more than anything else in this world, and once in my life I know that I have loved so much.

Loving could be one of the best thing that we could offer to someone, and being loved in return could be the greatest gift we could ever received. But we have to remember that loving so much has so many side effects. There’s nothing wrong with loving (in fact it is a good thing), but “too much” is always unhealthy.

Love requires friendship as foundation, love requires prayer as guidance, and understanding as your armor.